Pepper, your tolerance of this can only be explained by faith. Christian faith gives such hope...the belief we will all be together again carries us through the deepest valleys, yes? I thank God everyday that I haven't experienced great loss in my life. He is showing me through others (you) how to deal with it one day...for we will all suffer grief, though I pray never to your degree.
I have shed tears for you today. I am soaking in your heartache in hopes to take some of your pain away. We love you and God is with you as always. He is so proud that you still see him. Teachers give tests to prove a students knowledge. God has given you this grief so you can prove that you know and trust Him....and He is smiling on you with Josh by His side. You are amazing. We love you and all think and hurt for you often!
I pray for you when it is quiet, I pray for you when others around you laugh, I pray for you when you don't want to forget, I pray for you when you don't let others see you cry, I pray for you when you ask "why?". You are prayed for and loved very much.
holly
4 comments:
Gloria, my mother died quite suddenly of a heart attack when I was 20 in 1971. I turned 60 on 1/2. June 14 will make 40 years she has been gone, and when I think of it, all I can say after all this time is "we see through a glass darkly." After 40 years I still don't get it, and there is a pain that never goes away. It gets bearable, but the pain is like a friend that comes to visit and never leaves. But, even though it is still probably the most seminal painful event of my life, every day I understand more and more of why it had to happen. And that is always my quest: to figure out what I am supposed to get from a tragic event, rather than question why God let it happen. We think we see, but our understanding is laughably incomplete compared to His. The more tragic the event, the more we learn. Pain is such an important part of that learning. It is what gets our attention and makes us deal with the event. After all, tragedy is our greatest emotional impact. If we didn't feel it, it wouldn't mean much to it. So, for me, trying to figure out what the lesson is changes the paradigm. I look at it as God giving me a gift I need to process rather than a tragedy that happened that makes me wonder "why me?" My mother's life and death ended up making me the mother I am, the employee I am, the sibling I am, the aunt I am, the professor I am, in ways that never would have happened had it not been for that event. And I know that matters because I understand and appreciate the deep impact I have on people in my life, from students to cashiers at the check-out counter, not because of me, but because I'm doing God's work and am an instrument of His will. I have known you and your crazy husband since we were law students. I've known you professionally through our professional organization for years. I know how deep and heartfelt both of your faith is, despite the silly, happy times we have together. I have no doubt whatsoever that you and Pearson will come to see what is in this for you, and though the pain will dull, it will not go away, but the lessons from it will stay with you always and you will appreciate Him for them. Just keep doing the work of working through it and processing it and letting your feelings have their say. Peace beyond all understanding will come. Your quiet grace and Pearson's warmth, humor and both your intellects, will not have it any other way. I am so thinking of you and praying for you. Dawn
Dawn, thank you for sharing your loss. Your words are full of love and care.
Holly, you have a ministry of loving on others.
Dear Pepper, I have lost loved ones, but I have never lost a child. Therefore, I cannot possibly truly understand what you and Pearson are going through. I read your blog every day. I wish I could find the right words, to ease your grief and pain. I think and think, but the words just don't come to me. I CAN comment on the love and respect I have developed for your over the years I have known you. You light up a room by simply walking through the door. Your beautiful smile, wit and great sense of humor make you a joy to be around. You add so much to Holly's aerobics and yoga classes. It is not the same when you're not there. I really mean that. You may need us, but we need you too. Please keep writing and talking about Josh. I have loved getting to know him through your words. Sincerely, CathyPi
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