Pepper, your tolerance of this can only be explained by faith. Christian faith gives such hope...the belief we will all be together again carries us through the deepest valleys, yes? I thank God everyday that I haven't experienced great loss in my life. He is showing me through others (you) how to deal with it one day...for we will all suffer grief, though I pray never to your degree.
I have shed tears for you today. I am soaking in your heartache in hopes to take some of your pain away. We love you and God is with you as always. He is so proud that you still see him. Teachers give tests to prove a students knowledge. God has given you this grief so you can prove that you know and trust Him....and He is smiling on you with Josh by His side. You are amazing. We love you and all think and hurt for you often!
I pray for you when it is quiet, I pray for you when others around you laugh, I pray for you when you don't want to forget, I pray for you when you don't let others see you cry, I pray for you when you ask "why?". You are prayed for and loved very much.