Photo by Pepper. All rights reserved. AS THE SUN SETS, SO IT RISES

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A Deafening Pain

Heart wrenching, destabilizing, blinding, and seemingly unendurable pain are just a few of the more approachable feelings sufficient to encompass that unimaginable moment - that moment when my life irrevocably turned inside out.  I cannot go further here at this time.  To have done this, for me, requires a reserved resolve, with boundaries, I dare not trespass.  Not now, but hopefully soon.  Are you able to describe that moment? If so, do so, and from you perhaps my courage will gather.  Love, Pepper


Pepper said...

Christmas is upon us. These past few days have been filled with activity,not least of all the wonderful wedding of my son Will to his beautiful bride Tracy - a service performed by my husband. But during the pauses the pain has seeped in and overtaken my spirit. Yet, God has seen me through. My focus has shifted from the temporal to the eternal. The prayer cover has been enormous. My prayer warrior friend, Teresa, has been all that and more as she has had many others in constant prayer for me - 24/7 - when most needed. My sister Myra has interceded to absorb some of the pain. Our surrogate children (through Joey) have directed us to Phil 2:1-18 which has helped me to shift my focus from myself to the needs of others. Our pastors have pastored us. So many have been praying. I thank God for family and friends. I am not healed, but healing. Thank God!

Poppa said...

On December 21 and 22 I allowed my focus to be diverted from the eternal to the temporal, from God to self. This lack of proper focus caused me to concentrate on my contemporaneous sorrow instead of the joy set before me. I again became angry at God for taking Josh and this anger was manifested in my relationship with my wife. I became irritable and snappy with her. Nothing she did was right. I wasn't listening to what she said but simply reacting to preconceived notions that I had in my head. I finally realized what was happening and texted my surrogate son, Joey, and my two pastors (Greg and Johnny), explained what I perceived to be the problem, and asked for prayer cover. They gave me the prayer cover and sent scripture to help get the focus off me and back to God (Phil. 2:1-18 and 1 Peter 1:3-25). Prayer and scripture are amazing. My eternal focus is back. All who read this blog please continue to pray for us because I have come to understand that this is how focused I must be for the rest of my life. And just as importantly, this is how focused God wants all of His children at all times. Tragedy has clarified my moment by moment need for God to be the Lord of my life, moment by moment.

William said...

As Joshua's brother, I too experienced the initial pain of losing a sibling (for the second time due to tragedy). I find comfort in a God who cares and loves me more than I could ever ask for. My faith reminds me of the time I was able to spend with Josh and whispers gentle reminders that Josh would want us all to be happy and cherish our memories of him. I am thankful that through his life and death I have experienced new feelings and emotions for him and for my living relatives. As my beautiful wife told me, "we will never be the same, but we will be okay".
Momma and Poppa - we love you and appreciate you. Your faith has strengthened me during the tough times of my life. I would not be where I am today without the brave and bold steps you have taken in your life! You will never be the same but you will be okay. We are here for you and we love you!

Laura Daniels said...

Pepper and Pearson,

Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your life, struggles and triumphs through this blog. I know that God has and is going to use you both in great ways! Thank you for allowing God to take you on the journey from pain to worship. We continue to lift you up in prayer.


Anonymous said...

Dear Pepper, Pearson, and Family,

Two years ago, Clela and I lost five loved ones in less than a year, including both of Clela's parents, my brother-in-law, Clela's sister-in-law, and a very close mutual friend of 25 years. The loss was overwhelming, but out of this experience we realized that you have to go through grief to get through it. Two sustaining thoughts I share from this time.

"Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon,
And a horizon is nothing save the limit
of our sight."
"While we are mourning the loss of our
loved one, others are rejoicing to meet
him behind the veil."

May God bless you and grant you strength in this time.

Lee and Clela Reed